This is going to get personal. In the past year, you’ve seen me dance around what goes on in my life without giving you the full meat of it.
This is something I’ve felt almost my whole life but it’s easy to push away and out of your mind. I’ve always felt like there’s two sides to me: a direct, confrontational one and a little lamb. I’m not talking about that annoying female dichotomy of being an independent sexualised vixen against the housewife. I mean: I don’t fall neatly into the category of what it means to be a woman. There are many areas in my life where I feel masculine.
I’m probably just sounding crazy but I’m just going to say it. There are parts of me composed of man and parts of me composed as woman. And I don’t mean physically. Don’t be stupid about it. I’m not confused. There are just places where I behave like a man and places where I’m like a woman.
I’ve said in the past that I’d date a girl if we both liked each other and it made sense for us to date (my same rules for dating guys) but it was never a huge epiphany for me. I just accepted that as truth. This is harder because I don’t want to change my exterior to reflect my masculine side. I like looking like a girl and I understand the privilege of cis-passing exteriors. I don’t take that for granted. But I cannot deny my direct, confrontational, assertive, and cunning self either. I am someone that falls in between the two traditional genders and that makes me androgynous.